Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
