First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
