My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
