He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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