There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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