Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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