i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
