there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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