Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
