You're earring is so big in my mouth
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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