So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My dick has a subreddit
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
