Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
