Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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