Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
