he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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