Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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