Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The uberlube is also flammable
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
