look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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