is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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