Swine flu. Run for my life!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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