I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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