He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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