I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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