Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
