i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
