I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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