last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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