someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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