Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
