i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
