wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize