I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
