if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
