Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
