Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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