His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
