I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
