Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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