Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
