I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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