It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
