I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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