I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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