HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
