Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jerry, you need to find god
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Help me help you realize you are a moron
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
