how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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