Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
