I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
