If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
