smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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