I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
