he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am available for nakedness
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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