You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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